this song makes me happy

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this pic makes me happy

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i bought a bucket.. it is delicious.

Jerusha's happy list

1. This tiny diet coke can on my desk -
Rosa gave it to me today. I am out of quarters and I really really wanted one. Thank you Rosa. Thank you.

2. The fact that I made it to work early and with a packed lunch. Drake ate breakfast and is wearing clothes that not only fit but match and are cute. I am giving myself a mommy gold star.

3. Riah - because she is such an amazing Mom... oh yeah - and my lifelong best friend.
She makes no pretense. She is who she is and she makes no apologies for it. She rocks my face off.

4. Moments like this while I wait for crap to print that allow me to blog.

5. my tiny diet coke - oh wait - that was # 1

6. Story time with D last night - We read the new Pirate Pete book (Talk like a Pirate) from the library and it was super exciting... and then D read it to me. It is amazing the things that he remembers - and the things that he decided to change for dramatic affect. He renamed the book "Pirate Pete shoves everyone in the water" -

Dad

He is so wise and so bat sh** crazy sometimes.

He sent me a message on my facebook that said,
"Jerusha my love, just remember, time doesn't heal all wounds, love does."

and I cried. Like a total dork.

I wish he would internalize what he just said to me.... and let the love in his life flood in and heal his own broken heart.

Sometimes it's easier to tell others what we so desperately need for ourselves.


So Daddy - if you are listening -

Just remember, time doesn't heal all wounds. Love does..

I love you Papa

dear beloved

It is getting late and Drake is in the shower. He got spaghetti sauce all over his face at dinner. I should have taken a picture. He was so loving today. He used your scooter while wearing the sonic hat. It makes me so nervous when he rides that thing... but I suppose that is my job.

I just want to say that I am so grateful for you. ... deep in my soul. It defies logic and space and time. I also want to thank you for being man enough to stand up for me when he didn't. You were my advocate and my friend... even when it was painful to be. You looked me in the eyes on the darkest day of my life and you told me the truth. I will always always always love you for that. You are my family.

Regardless of how our lives intertwine or not-- I carry you in my heart 10 years ago, today, and forever.

I love you cheeseball.

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dear cheeseball

You left a bunch of stuff at my place. I like it. It means you are coming back.

I miss you.
-me

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qotd

"You know what momma? You love me even when I am naughty... don't ya?" Yes bubbs. Yes I do.

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I tired

Pero estoy muy contenta.

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dear cheeseball

I keep checking my email for a message from you even though I know you are working 12 today. I miss your face
- me

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today has been a long day

I am feeling anxious this evening.

Today was chaotic and stressful. D was super sweet though. Our evening of puzzles and lulus and storytime was precious. I love my baby.

I feel like God is bringing me back around... bring the focus where it should be, a reminding me that that there is hope... and maybe its not too late for me to be a wife and mom.

Sometimes I let the loneliness get to me and the space between and the love of a husband is deafening.
I fill that space with casual sex and social musings... but it is synthetic... plastic intimacy, fading quickly without true satisfaction.

Maybe there could be a purpose in all of this? A chance at something infinitely better, Christ centered love. What would that even look like?

I cracked my bible and started rereading my own prayers penciled into the margins. There is so much truth and unabashed honesty there. There is power in my cries to the father.

" he reached down from on high and took hold of me. He drew me out of deep waters" psalms 18:16

"My flesh and heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

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