"I try all things - I achieve what I can"

Herman Melville, “Chapter 79: The Prairie,” Moby-Dick (1851) Today has been challenging in a some ways. I am obviously disturbing the natural rhythms of our weekday household routines. I am a guest in their day today. That being said. I am a gracious guest. Drake and I watched Bill Nye. I spent way too much time on facebook. River is asleep on the floor with a pink pacifier in her mouth. I am now searching the internets for new inspiration for some art projects while drinking coffee. I haven't gotten dressed yet. Of this, I heartily approve. It feels so good to be here. Though as a person who needs structure and routine to function healthfully - this free-form day is hard. I am censoring myself even here. I may need to revert back to journaling on paper...

found this today and it resonated with me.

I must be myself.
I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. If you can love me for what I am, we shall be happier. If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should. I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, that I will do strongly before the sun and moon whatever inly rejoices me, and the heart appoints. If you are noble, I will love you; if you are not, I will not hurt you and myself by hypocritical attentions. If you are true, but not in the same truth with me, cleave to your companions; I will seek my own. I do this not selfishly, but humbly and truly. It is alike your interest, and mine, and all men’s, however long we have dwelt in lies, to live in truth. Does this sound harsh to-day? You will soon love what is dictated by your nature as well as mine, and, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

I can ride a bike with no handle bars - no handle bars - no handle bars

I have decided that I am going to trust that Joey is a smarticle particle.
I have also decided that writing is probably best - though to put these thoughts into the ether is terrifying. The process of documenting my brain waves makes me take responsibility for myself. Dang it  - it is much easier just to silently torture myself. Personal responsibility is for the birds.

Saturday I met up with Joey. I shared absolutely way too much. I don't do that normally. A dam burst in my brain. I couldn't help myself. I promptly freaked out in my car - - called my bestie who talked me off the proverbial ledge.

Sunday morning I got up with Lady Riv. I fed her the first bottle of the day and laid in the sunshine on the couch. She flexes her tiny toes when she eats. She makes little vibrating noises in the back of her throat. It is the sweetest music on the planet. I need to spend more of those moments with her. After the long work hours and school on top - she gets shafted.

How do I get to the place where D and R get all of me and not just a piece?
I get three days off this week. There will be epic snuggling. I am nervous about that much time in the house though. Cabin Fever is not my friend. I suppose the kiddos and I will just have to adventure forth.

Having most of the week off is helping my Monday blues tremendously.
I am giving myself permission to feel overwhelmed but pushing through it regardless.
Life doesn't stop - - neither should I.

Enough for now.

PS I am  loved