my little guy is getting so big.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
ahorrita voy pa ya
last night we sat on the porch swing after making dinner together and just watched the sun go down.
I felt small in his arms. I've never felt small in a mans arms before.
It was delicious and scary.
I felt small in his arms. I've never felt small in a mans arms before.
It was delicious and scary.
Look at the stars - look how they shine for you - and all the things you do - they're all yellow
Monday Monday Monday -
Today is a Monday in true form.
Hectic and scattered - but good.
I really do love my job. It makes me crazy - but at least it pushes me.
The more I think about spending time with the Southern Gent I smile.
He is adorable and oh so snuggly.
I've missed that.
I miss just being held.
It was nice... and it fed a piece of my soul.
hmmmmmm
Today is a Monday in true form.
Hectic and scattered - but good.
I really do love my job. It makes me crazy - but at least it pushes me.
The more I think about spending time with the Southern Gent I smile.
He is adorable and oh so snuggly.
I've missed that.
I miss just being held.
It was nice... and it fed a piece of my soul.
hmmmmmm
Friday, July 22, 2011
no esta lloviendo
This morning I am so tired.
I was accompanied to work by a very large cup of coffee.
I had a great night last night with a true gentleman.
It was actually kind of remarkable.
Who knows what the future holds?? I sure don't.
What I do know is that today is a gift.
I have hope
y
no esta lloviendo.
I was accompanied to work by a very large cup of coffee.
I had a great night last night with a true gentleman.
It was actually kind of remarkable.
Who knows what the future holds?? I sure don't.
What I do know is that today is a gift.
I have hope
y
no esta lloviendo.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
If you want to destroy my sweater... hold this string as I walk away
Last night the Southern gent and I talked for two hours...
about important stuff and stupid stuff... about books and music and food and ideas.
I found out that he did knowledge bowl in highschool.
He also is a total word nerd and corrected (gently :D) my usage of the word tetonic. Apparently I was saying teutonic with refers to all things germanic. *SWOON*
We didn't once talk about sex.
It was refreshing and exciting and silly.
We are trying to go out to dinner on Thursday.
He asked for me to pick the place that we eat. I responded that we could just go get teriyaki or a burger or something, to which he responded, "oh Jerusha, you are worth more than that"
He is picking me up at my house. He is educated, funny, witty, and gainfully employed.
What do I do with that?
about important stuff and stupid stuff... about books and music and food and ideas.
I found out that he did knowledge bowl in highschool.
He also is a total word nerd and corrected (gently :D) my usage of the word tetonic. Apparently I was saying teutonic with refers to all things germanic. *SWOON*
We didn't once talk about sex.
It was refreshing and exciting and silly.
We are trying to go out to dinner on Thursday.
He asked for me to pick the place that we eat. I responded that we could just go get teriyaki or a burger or something, to which he responded, "oh Jerusha, you are worth more than that"
He is picking me up at my house. He is educated, funny, witty, and gainfully employed.
What do I do with that?
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Tremble for yourself, my man, You know that you have seen this all before
I think things are starting to dip into the ridiculous.
I had a 60 year old guy ask me to be a cheerleader for a JO party.
What planet does he live on?? oh yeah- the planet that I am going to avoid like the plague.
I need a cup of coffee and a dose of reality.
There are good guys out there right???
Sweet guys that have zesty libidos without being retarded?
Oh well, chock it up to another story to tell.
I haven't even dipped into this weekend.
Goodness gracious - I need to write a book.
I had a 60 year old guy ask me to be a cheerleader for a JO party.
What planet does he live on?? oh yeah- the planet that I am going to avoid like the plague.
I need a cup of coffee and a dose of reality.
There are good guys out there right???
Sweet guys that have zesty libidos without being retarded?
Oh well, chock it up to another story to tell.
I haven't even dipped into this weekend.
Goodness gracious - I need to write a book.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Gravedigger, when you dig my grave, can you make it shallow? so I can feel the rain
I am feeling contemplative today.
Not in a creepy or depressed way (contrary to the song quote above)
I feel like I passed some emotionally hurtles this week.
I had to see Richard all happy with his girlfriend and a bunch of friends that he got in the divorce.
It sucked... but it didn't destroy me.
I was gracious and caring.
and I looked like a million bucks.
R's girlfriend looked twelve in cut offs and an old navy t.
I was wearing fitted trousers and heels, and a top that showed off a crack ton of my gorgeous boobs... my hair and make up were impeccable. I looked polished and I felt good.
It is hard to see him with someone... but at least I am cuter than she is :D
Not in a creepy or depressed way (contrary to the song quote above)
I feel like I passed some emotionally hurtles this week.
I had to see Richard all happy with his girlfriend and a bunch of friends that he got in the divorce.
It sucked... but it didn't destroy me.
I was gracious and caring.
and I looked like a million bucks.
R's girlfriend looked twelve in cut offs and an old navy t.
I was wearing fitted trousers and heels, and a top that showed off a crack ton of my gorgeous boobs... my hair and make up were impeccable. I looked polished and I felt good.
It is hard to see him with someone... but at least I am cuter than she is :D
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
personal ads
I cannot tell you how may personal ads I have read that say things like:
I love Celine Dion and french wine and snuggling on the couch during the rain...
I am a "snappy dresser" and love musicals. I am an avid Glee watcher.
I could go on and on.
I think to myself - dude, I get that you wrote straight on your profile - but you are gay... not just kind of gay, not just gay when you are drunk, you are flaming gay.. embrace it. enjoy it...
date and have sex with beautiful men.
Be at one with your inner Elton John.
#truestatement.
I love Celine Dion and french wine and snuggling on the couch during the rain...
I am a "snappy dresser" and love musicals. I am an avid Glee watcher.
I could go on and on.
I think to myself - dude, I get that you wrote straight on your profile - but you are gay... not just kind of gay, not just gay when you are drunk, you are flaming gay.. embrace it. enjoy it...
date and have sex with beautiful men.
Be at one with your inner Elton John.
#truestatement.
adventures in dating
I met a guy last night that was really great.
We totally hit it off, funny, sexy, witty, charming.
We tentatively made plans to meet up at Denny's and drink coffee and play card games.
It was great....
and then he asked my advise on how to ask out this girl he thought was really hot.
I responded that perhaps it would be more effective if I asked on his behalf.
He didn't see the irony.
We totally hit it off, funny, sexy, witty, charming.
We tentatively made plans to meet up at Denny's and drink coffee and play card games.
It was great....
and then he asked my advise on how to ask out this girl he thought was really hot.
I responded that perhaps it would be more effective if I asked on his behalf.
He didn't see the irony.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Dear Me - a year ago
Dear Love,
It's 1pm in July 13th.
It's been a year and a couple weeks since I said Goodbye to being Richard's wife... and said hello to being true to myself.
What can I say that will make things better? What can I do to help hold the pieces of your shattering being in my hands?
The answer is nothing.
It will get better. It will not go away.
You have chosen the hard path for sure. Every day you have to make the decision to choose happiness and health. It sucks... and some days you will feel like maybe it had been better if you had stayed. In those moments.. stop what you are doing and bitchslap yourself.
The answer is to say those things outloud and push yourself forward.
It is okay to be lonely. It is okay to not have the answers. It is okay to struggle with choices. It is okay to eat ice cream for dinner because you are too tired to cook.
Days will blend together. .. you will make wrong choices, but next time you know.
Failing forward is not a loss. Failing and doing the same thing over and over again is where you lose.
Life is overwhelming... call it out. Ask for help. Cry if you need to... but there is a time to pick your ass off the floor and get moving. You are responsible for your own success... emotional, physical, financial, parental... that is going to come from you. So cry til the tears are gone and get the fuck up.
In about two months you are going to meet a super cute Caribbean guy named Ari. Please, don't text him and consequently start dating him. His accent is adorable but he is certifiable... just don't do it.
Drake will push you like you have never been pushed. Resist the urge just to beat it out of him. He loves you so much... and that doesn't teach him anything. Love is best given with gentlehands and soft voices. He will respond. It just takes him a while to get it... he gets that from his Dad.
He is brilliant and will reignite your love for learning. He adores words and concepts... he gets that from you.
Music is your friend right now. Embrace it, drink it, taste it. It is the medium that doesn't judge you or want you to be anything other than who you are...which is remarkable.
Going back to school is such a good idea... but don't be afraid to let it go when you are presented with other opportunities. Learning is so much more than the classroom.
In about six months you are going to meet a guy named Mike. He is going to call you at three am drunk, trying to get you to confess to something. You will have no idea what he is talking about. Please just pass that one by. The cute does not cover over the crazy.... if you can't help yourself... when he calls... don't pick up . The number is blocked... just roll back over and go back to sleep.
Dating someone who has already dated your fetish crazy older sister is also a bad idea... 'nuff said.
Be your own advocate. Your voice is beautiful... let it be heard.
Be Drake's advocate - - even if it is to allow him to be away from you so that you can rest. That directly benefits him... so DO it.
In just shy of a year you are going to feel physical pain like you have never known. It is going to burn away any pretenses that you have about yourself. It will clarify your priorities down to the wire. It is going to leave it's mark on you.. you will be forever changed.
Embrace it.
Use it as a tool or it will use you.
Don't be afraid to ask to be held. This is more than a psychological need. You physiologically need to be held. This has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with needing to be touched... ask Riah or whomever...do it.. you need it.
You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.
You are so much more loved than you know.
I know.. because I do.
It's 1pm in July 13th.
It's been a year and a couple weeks since I said Goodbye to being Richard's wife... and said hello to being true to myself.
What can I say that will make things better? What can I do to help hold the pieces of your shattering being in my hands?
The answer is nothing.
It will get better. It will not go away.
You have chosen the hard path for sure. Every day you have to make the decision to choose happiness and health. It sucks... and some days you will feel like maybe it had been better if you had stayed. In those moments.. stop what you are doing and bitchslap yourself.
The answer is to say those things outloud and push yourself forward.
It is okay to be lonely. It is okay to not have the answers. It is okay to struggle with choices. It is okay to eat ice cream for dinner because you are too tired to cook.
Days will blend together. .. you will make wrong choices, but next time you know.
Failing forward is not a loss. Failing and doing the same thing over and over again is where you lose.
Life is overwhelming... call it out. Ask for help. Cry if you need to... but there is a time to pick your ass off the floor and get moving. You are responsible for your own success... emotional, physical, financial, parental... that is going to come from you. So cry til the tears are gone and get the fuck up.
In about two months you are going to meet a super cute Caribbean guy named Ari. Please, don't text him and consequently start dating him. His accent is adorable but he is certifiable... just don't do it.
Drake will push you like you have never been pushed. Resist the urge just to beat it out of him. He loves you so much... and that doesn't teach him anything. Love is best given with gentlehands and soft voices. He will respond. It just takes him a while to get it... he gets that from his Dad.
He is brilliant and will reignite your love for learning. He adores words and concepts... he gets that from you.
Music is your friend right now. Embrace it, drink it, taste it. It is the medium that doesn't judge you or want you to be anything other than who you are...which is remarkable.
Going back to school is such a good idea... but don't be afraid to let it go when you are presented with other opportunities. Learning is so much more than the classroom.
In about six months you are going to meet a guy named Mike. He is going to call you at three am drunk, trying to get you to confess to something. You will have no idea what he is talking about. Please just pass that one by. The cute does not cover over the crazy.... if you can't help yourself... when he calls... don't pick up . The number is blocked... just roll back over and go back to sleep.
Dating someone who has already dated your fetish crazy older sister is also a bad idea... 'nuff said.
Be your own advocate. Your voice is beautiful... let it be heard.
Be Drake's advocate - - even if it is to allow him to be away from you so that you can rest. That directly benefits him... so DO it.
In just shy of a year you are going to feel physical pain like you have never known. It is going to burn away any pretenses that you have about yourself. It will clarify your priorities down to the wire. It is going to leave it's mark on you.. you will be forever changed.
Embrace it.
Use it as a tool or it will use you.
Don't be afraid to ask to be held. This is more than a psychological need. You physiologically need to be held. This has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with needing to be touched... ask Riah or whomever...do it.. you need it.
You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.
You are so much more loved than you know.
I know.. because I do.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Advice for dating Jerusha part deux
I feel inspired by the divine Miss Brittany B to continue on:
1. Please - if you have a collection of action figures and nerf guns that is great - but if it fills your entire home and garage - this would be something you should mention before I see it for myself.
2. If we set up a date - please actually show up. My time is precious and babysitters are expensive. Calling after you stood me up, stoned and drunk, and telling me that you grow pot in your closet and used to run a prostitution ring in Florida... yeah - not so much. Thanks for telling me, but it would have been better if that had been your opening act and not after I had invested my time.
3. please don't text me 7 times at 2 am to tell me what I am missing out... and then following up with 2 texts in the morning to apologise for the 7 texts in the middle of the night - and then following up with unsolicited pictures of your penis... while your penis is impressive (I will give you that) it isn't going to change my mind about not dating a pot smoking pimp.
*caveat* is it sad that after seeing the pics I actually thought about it for a second??? oh man, well at least I got over that fast. I am better now, I promise.
1. Please - if you have a collection of action figures and nerf guns that is great - but if it fills your entire home and garage - this would be something you should mention before I see it for myself.
2. If we set up a date - please actually show up. My time is precious and babysitters are expensive. Calling after you stood me up, stoned and drunk, and telling me that you grow pot in your closet and used to run a prostitution ring in Florida... yeah - not so much. Thanks for telling me, but it would have been better if that had been your opening act and not after I had invested my time.
3. please don't text me 7 times at 2 am to tell me what I am missing out... and then following up with 2 texts in the morning to apologise for the 7 texts in the middle of the night - and then following up with unsolicited pictures of your penis... while your penis is impressive (I will give you that) it isn't going to change my mind about not dating a pot smoking pimp.
*caveat* is it sad that after seeing the pics I actually thought about it for a second??? oh man, well at least I got over that fast. I am better now, I promise.
well.. yeah... about that.
Lately I have been restless...
as PK in my favorite book so aptly put,
"the loneliness birds have laid stone eggs in my chest"
There are good things too.
My apartment actually looks like we live there, rather than just staying there.
I reconnected with my friend James who feeds my soul... and I started sketching again...
all of these things are good things.
However I made the mistake of using Richard's bathroom last time I picked up the bubbs.... and frack man... I should have known better. Being in that apartment is soooo sooo bad for my brain.
Although - it did make me feel better that it was trashed. At least when I lived there it was cute.
as PK in my favorite book so aptly put,
"the loneliness birds have laid stone eggs in my chest"
There are good things too.
My apartment actually looks like we live there, rather than just staying there.
I reconnected with my friend James who feeds my soul... and I started sketching again...
all of these things are good things.
However I made the mistake of using Richard's bathroom last time I picked up the bubbs.... and frack man... I should have known better. Being in that apartment is soooo sooo bad for my brain.
Although - it did make me feel better that it was trashed. At least when I lived there it was cute.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)