thank you lord for uninterupted showers

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for the record. my kid is camped out naked on the couch reading library while singing songs he made up himself... I could not be more proud. oh yeah... and practicing his evil genius laugh

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good morning monday

This pic of Marilyn Monroe makes me happy.

I am so ready to curl up on my couch tonight and read... to be at home with my bubba and just relax. This weekend was just too much - too much sun - too much activity - too much driving - not enough real food - not enough sleep...

I had a lot of fun - but I feel hung over.

This week I am going to be mellow.

yay for mellow.

I am thankful for my life.

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qotd " estoy buscando por una taqueria... um... Amazeballs" -me

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remembering that I am grateful

I am turning in my whiner card for the day.
You can take it.
I don't want it.

I do want a weekend with the people I love...
some extra sleep..
and a couple days reprieve from work -- which is less than fun right now.

I do want for this pain in my back to go away - - oh wait - - my whiner card is gone - okay back to grateful things.

I love you Riah. I love that you want to hear what is going on in my life. I love that you are so very real with the things that you struggle with . I love that you celebrate your successes ... and through that I get to celebrate too. I love that you are silently correcting my grammar but love me too much to do it outloud.

You are my best hero.

and my back hurts - oh damn, I have the whiner card again.

I love your face sister mine.
Glad we get to see each other tomorrow.

xoxox

thithie

stumbled upon this

I found this bed and it made me so happy.

It is a princess bed indeed.

I want to go home.

Today was less than fun. I am just hoping riah has wine

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batfish says good morning

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Dear Dickwad

I think you are a terrible person.
I used to love you. Even after I stopped loving you, I loved the idea of you.

I really wish that I could just never look into your face ever again.
That would bring me so much joy.

Instead however, I look into your face every single day, in the face of our son.
Who I love with every cell in my being.

Guess what though, you are a douche waffle... and if you teach our son your douchewafflery, I will lose my shit on you... #truth

He is going to know how to honor a woman - her mind, body, and spirit.
He is going to know what it means to put in a hard day's work without complaint... to feel proud of his accomplishments, and to fight like hell for the ones he loves.

He is going to know what it is to protect, and care, and lead... to be the spiritual leader of his home, to stand before his creator and feel at peace with his choices.. to be a real man...

and guess what?? he is going to learn that from me because you are too much of a coward.
I hate that you are weak.... weak minded, weak spirited, weak intellectually, weak emotionally, totally and utterly ruled by your desires.

I feel sorry for you actually... sorry that you couldn't see what a gift you had and now you have to replicate it with your whore of a girlfriend.

For the record. I am not sorry that I left.

I am only sorry that I waited so long.

I hope that you get an std and become infertile because for realz - - you can't even handle the one kid you have left.

eat crap and go away..


all my love.

-J

coffee is brewing

And here I lay listening to it chug away

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these things I know to be true

1. Drake is the love of my life - and proof that despite circumstance and things out of my control, Jesus loves me.
2. Drake will most likely cause me to be bald by pulling my hair out.
3. I need to learn to be a firmer parent - for both our sakes
4. I love love love love love my sister. Without her my life would be dreary and gray.
5. I am so blessed. I forget it a lot. I forget that these things that I have in my life are because of #1 and I have worked so hard for them.
6. love is never a mistake. Loving Richard was not a mistake.
7. Love is not wasted. My love for him was not wasted. If nothing else I can stand before my creator and say that I loved him as Christ commanded us to love. I prayed for him, I submitted to him, I carried his baby.... all of these things... not wasted. He chose to throw it away.. but like most things... that is on him - and he will have to answer for that.
8. I am not defined by my parentage, my broken marriage, or my failed pregnancies - I am defined by Christ's love for me and my love for Drake - - end scene
9. I screw up a lot - I get moody and frustrated - ill tempered and bitchy. I lose sight of the good things and allow all the bad things to rush in and lay stone eggs in my chest.
10. I am hopelessly flawed but thankfully, his power is made perfect in my weakness.


and thanks to Merissa, I remembered that I too am loved.

feeling inspired today a little bit

I want to paint like this.

This weekend I am going to rest - clean my house - get a brow wax - and sleep my butt off.

#truth

Plans

" For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope." Jeremiah 29:11 - Gods Word Translation.


This stuck with me this morning. I spend too much time trying to control all the details in my day to day that I forget that life is so very beautiful. Today I choose hope.

"For you have been my hope."Psalms 71:5

mi corazon tiene cosas que necesita decir... pero no tiene las palabras

batman is snoring in my backseat

'nuff said

dear wednesday

I am so exhausted I am literally bleary eyed.

These last couple of weeks have pushed me past the point of reason.
There are really great things too - like my renewed focus with Drakers for story time.
He loves it... and I get uninterupted snuggle time with my little dude.

Last night we went to the library to pick out some new books. It was so much fun. I hate that I had to rush because i had to work from home. Next time... it will be all about the doodimus.

There is no chance that this inventory today is going to go well.
It just isn't.

They are going to be here in 20 minutes and I still don't have all my count sheets back.
this is not good.

I have transcended the land of freak out because I am too tired.

My sister (you know who you are) is watching D for me so that I could come back to work at 6:30am after working through the night from home. I love my thithie so much.


The second that the auditor leaves - I am going home. #truth

The numbers on my spreadsheets don't even make sense to me anymore - the columns blur into one another.

ready for bed

In honor of shark week

Fish are friends - not food.

Last night D and I went to the Y.
We played sharks for over an hour. I must say, my Momma shark impression is absolutely amazeballs... but then a baby shark ate my face off.... bummer.

Drake woke up with a runny nose and a low grade fever.
I didn't want to drop him off at school today, but I don't have a choice. I don't have vacation time or sick time... I feel really bad. I am just hoping that he can hang for the day... we are going to the library hopefully tonight - depends on how he is feeling.

I signed him up for a kids night in "under the big top". Apparently there are going to be carnival games and popcorn necklace making. He told me that he wanted to go - but only if I went. "cause kids are stupid.. you know?" Where does he get this stuff?

We lost his DS again. I have no idea where it is. However, I think that is okay for now.
He has been really having a hard time with the split lately... at least far more vocal about it. Not sure why the delay was - or if his ability to communicate finally caught up with his feelings.
Wish my ability to communicate would catch up with my feelings :D

I went to church for the first time in a while. It felt good. Super long drive - but I had to get D from R anyway.

I ran into Jill and Jeff - and I saw my friend Zana... all of these are good things.
I need to make it back to church more. It was good for my soul.


also - I am really really tired of self-destructing. I am not sure how to break some bad habits that I developed this year, but I least I am aware. I suppose that is a step in the right direction.

one last note - It is freaking cold in my office and I wore a skirt... dang it.

over & out.

my ode to the delicious elixer