*insert something witty here*

Wish I had something deeper to say here,

I worked really hard today,
had fun at school but need to study like crazy tonight for my math test tomorrow,
and am really forward to being asleep in my bed, oh yeah, and two days off in a row.

I've been had some moments of intense clarity lately,
shedding light on the gray areas of my life.

Apparently, if you ask some folks, this makes me stuck up.
Since when is being focused and confident make you stuck up?

This process of regeneration continues moving forward.

church was good

Talked about awakening the desires of your heart... not desires derived from sin, but desires that are God given... gave me a lot to think about.


Drake is sick. Makes me sad. I don't want to him to in discomfort. I love that little guy.

its amazing how music renews my soul.
I've been doing homework and listening to the music that I want to listen to.

Life isn't better... but maybe I am, if by just a little.

seems so strange on days like today, when I am allowing myself to feel and mourn,
that I don't mourn Richard. I really and truly feel free from him and our marriage.
I mourn what was my life... being with Drake all the time, keeping our home, spending time as a family with friends, quiet nights laying on the couch watching what I wanted to watch, free time, and my own home... these are the things I mourn.

have to admit:

Having a hard one today.
It's hard to keep focused on what's important when D is gone.
When I am here by myself, the grief of the life that was but is no more, hits me like tsunami waves and carries me away for a while... often by surprise.

The busyness of my life right now is my saving grace. It keeps me focused on our future, and keeps this ache in the void in check.

So here is to graveyard shifts, preschool crafting, and math homework.

serious weirdness

I feel like God is burning away the parts of me that don't matter or are ultimately hurting me.
This process blows.
I am trying to keep it all in perspective. It's all a process.

This morning I forgave Richard.
It felt surprisingly anticlimatic... mostly because I think I actually forgave him a while ago, but hadn't put it in words before.

I don't love him anymore... but I don't hate him either
I am not a victim, and he is not a villain, we are just people who loved once.

Refiner's fire, my heart's one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for You, Lord
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You, my Master
Ready to do Your will