Today was chaotic and stressful. D was super sweet though. Our evening of puzzles and lulus and storytime was precious. I love my baby.
I feel like God is bringing me back around... bring the focus where it should be, a reminding me that that there is hope... and maybe its not too late for me to be a wife and mom.
Sometimes I let the loneliness get to me and the space between and the love of a husband is deafening.
I fill that space with casual sex and social musings... but it is synthetic... plastic intimacy, fading quickly without true satisfaction.
Maybe there could be a purpose in all of this? A chance at something infinitely better, Christ centered love. What would that even look like?
I cracked my bible and started rereading my own prayers penciled into the margins. There is so much truth and unabashed honesty there. There is power in my cries to the father.
" he reached down from on high and took hold of me. He drew me out of deep waters" psalms 18:16
"My flesh and heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4
Read my blog. You and are so connected it is creepy. On another note, don't be so hard on yourself. You are exceptional. Solly was talking about a new friend she made today and literally uttered the following,
ReplyDelete"She is SO awesome, Mom. I mean, not as cool as Juju but... Well you know."
When your persona reaches adjective status...you are doing something right. :)
Chin up, young person. Tomorrow is a new day for both of us. Live you sweets.
I LOVE being an adjective... YAY!!! I also love your baby. We need to pencil in some solly / angie / Tuna time.
ReplyDeleteHow about a Riah & Ismael date night?
I could crash at your place and spend time with all the bubs. Let's hook it up.