church was good for me

I went to church yesterday and Pastor Ryan started a new series titled "Re-Ligion". The focus was taking a look at what God says his people should do rather than what we have created in traditions for ourselves to do... sometimes it overlaps, but often it doesn't.

He talked at length at being authentic and not just giving lip service to authenticity... that is okay to be screwed up and honest with ourselves and others...

so here I am, being honest.

1. I am pretty freakin' screwed up as a person.
2. Some of it is permanent, some of it is temporary.
3. I do my best with Drake, but I have a great deal to learn. I love him the best I can and pray that God helps me make up the difference.
4. I am really tired of trying to make people happy and love me. People do what they want and nothing I can do influence them otherwise. I am who I am and they are who they are.
5. Drake watches too much tv because I am overwhelmed with being alone.
6. I really am quite amazing.
7. If I had a superpower it would be perseverance through unspeakable circumstance, and the remarkable ability to start over from the ashes again and again. I wish it was that I glowed in the dark or could fly... but you get what you get right?
8. I am scared.
9. I am excited.
10. I need to sleep more.
11. I have no idea what I am doing.
12. I am scared that I kind of like that I have no idea what I am doing.
13. I am worried that I am going to screw Drake up with my crazies and that I can't help myself.
14. I drink too much caffeine.
15. I speed when I think no one is around.
16. I am worried that I will turn out just like my parents... and that it doesn't really bother me anymore.
17. I haven't dealt with my abusive childhood.
18. I am relieved that my relationship with Richard is over and that he actually did me a favor.
19. I am clinically depressed.
20. My Dad is bizarre.


okay that is enough honesty for one day.

this is me.