Letter To The 12 Year Old Me

(I actually had to emotionally work up to this.... crazy right?)

Dear 12 year old Jerusha,

Let's start off by saying, you are so amazing it is ridiculous. There are people out there who have made it their whole mission to cut you down. Do your best to ignore them. I know it is hard, but they are stupid assholes. They don't know the real you. They only see what they want to see.
You have this amazing capacity to love people who try to destroy you. This is in of itself is remarkable. Don't lose that... but don't let it control you either. Sometimes you have to give them the finger and take care of yourself.
Here are some things I've learned in the last 15 years:
1. The sound of your voice isn't going to make Jeff vomit.
2. No you are not a waste of flesh because you forgot to take the trash out.
3. Holding the phone up to your mouth is not necessary, that is why God made bluetooth.
4. Eat with your elbows on the table if you want to. Granted, it is tacky, but think about it and decide what you want to do.
5. Withholding food from you was wrong.. and they will have to answer for that.
6. Dad wants to help you. Talk to him. He doesn't know what is going on. He will protect you if you ask. He can handle it... you don't give him enough credit.
7. you are beautiful.
8. It is an amazing thing to be so tall. Girls envy you, boys adore you. Stand Tall and embrace who you are.
9. It is okay to be in love with your best friend. This doesn't mean you are going to hell.
10. Turn your homework in damnit. It is pointless to do it and then not turn it in. I know that this is one of the few things you have control over but seriously, don't be a retard.
11. Stand up for yourself. It is okay to put your foot down and demand to be cared for. You are fucking 12. You are still a kid.
12. You have the right to be safe. No one is allowed to hit you. This is not okay....ever.
13. Take a shower yo. I get that this is an expression of how much you hate yourself right now... but hot water feels good and the bathroom door locks... privacy is an amazing thing.
14. Even though Riah is leaving to take care of herself, doesn't mean that she doesn't love you.
15. You are stronger than you give yourself credit. It is a thing to be marveled actually.
16. You will reinvent yourself over and over. Nothing can take you down for long.
17. Sleeping doesn't make the pain go away. Wake up and be your own advocate.
18. Yes, Dad is a freak, but he is a freak that loves you. You will appreciate that later.
19. No one will love you like I love you.... You are your own primary relationship.... nuture that.
20. It will get worse before it gets better... but keep your head down and make the hard choices.

You are unique and beautiful and vivacious and have a capacity to love people that is remarkable. It is going to take a lot of time, disastrous relationships, and lots of diet coke for you to realize this but it will happen.

I love you babe.
-Me.


p.s. stop hanging out with Janine. Anyone who in their thirties who wants the regular company of preteens is bad news... and smoking is gross... knock it off, it does not under any circumstances make you look cool and in about 10 years will go to five bucks a pack. This goes against our innate cheapness. Celebrate freedom from substance abuse. That shit is expensive.